I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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