Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize