please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
