Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
