I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
it was like his penis was on wheels.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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