Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
