Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
it's great music for shaving your balls
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
