I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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