My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
