So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
