This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
