I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize