I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
