I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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