Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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