You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
