I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
