MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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