haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
