I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
