Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
