at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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