so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize