the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
