This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
