Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
