I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
