I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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