I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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