You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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