My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
