He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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