mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I understand Curling. That high.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
