You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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