i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
