On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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