1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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