I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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