I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
