My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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