I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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