he shaved USA in his pubs
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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