anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
