Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize