ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize