The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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