Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
