make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize