Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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