We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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