Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
