I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
