next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
