walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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