Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
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