if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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