she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize