Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
