My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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