You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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