alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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