Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
