I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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