i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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