My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
