Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
