So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
