i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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