Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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