just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
