She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
