I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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