How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
