is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
