theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
