I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
