fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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