I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
