so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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