The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
