You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize