I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
