Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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