i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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