Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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