He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
