You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize