i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
