Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
