I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
