I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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