ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
