i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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