worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
